Lost one,now twice

There's a famous saying that says "Losing friends are a part of growing up"Yes,but it also hurts.Alot.

  I understand how bitchy Rachel is,how her attitude sucks,how she don't deserves love and love.But it doesn't mean that she don't deserve respect and love from friends.People is spreading hate of her,terrible.Seeing people bullying her,or cyberbullying to be precise,it hurts me through my experiences.I've been pushed,beaten,tortured alot.I cried for my life.Nobody actually knows how it feels tbh.

  The story goes like this,this two girls,my ex-besties,lets just say Miy and Fra.Totally,I thought they would be a good friend forever but I noticed a thing.Fra and I are leos,so is my other friend.(Leo as in horoscope)and we crash together.Should avoid.As for Miy,she seem to bitch people alot and she likes people's misery.She likes cool people and hates uncool people.And I,am the uncool.Unfortunately,Rachel is in love with a boy so she goes against every girl close to him.Miy is close to you,literally.So she called Miy a bitch but I made them apologise.Sincere or not,the word heals many hearts but.
not mine.
 
  Eversince that incident,Fra spreaded about it in the class group and this is when hate started among our levels.One thing,I do not hate,just love,so I tried defending Rachel.Miy and Fra started picking on her whenever she speaks in class group,its like she don't belong there,so do I for protecting.Miy called me a wannabe grown up for defending her.Fra called me dumb,idiot,dumbest and all,but it didn't really matter.What mattered is how Rachel feels.She doesn't have a chance.The word "bitch" was a mistake from the past but these girls,they ruined her 2015.And mine.Now that I've lost both of them,I felt a little hurt,and regret.But the fact that I'd rather be lonely is true,alone everyday to reflect,insult self,play with self and leveling up my sadistic level.Being alone can also give me more.time to myself,no self-loving though.

  And this is what the bitch named Shi Wei said.She's 13,8 Aug to 14.A bitch,nerd,dumb,idiot and every bad thing��

A typical lie

Everyday I'd write on my whatsapp status about my true feelings,nobody would read it of course.They'd think...It's a joke or me faking as a wannabe depressed person.Tbh just no,depression is stupid and I am not getting involved.Im just radically sad.

I got myself involved in troubles with not being a proper girl.Oh god,what a burden I am.I grew to be strong,virtue in bravery.Just now,dad caned me for throwing everything around,it explains but sadly the thing is,he caned as hard as he could but it didn't hurt,I just faked to cry.Pretended.Im a liar,emotions and everything,I lie.What is pain?

Lately,I have this friend who seem depressed but she seem to be having fun with friends  around her instead.She seem to get bored of me and I can't stand it.Noir jealousy grew thorns in my heart.She even insulted me and my bias alot,but,it doesn't matter if she insult me.But this time,my heart seemed to be sensitive abt it.It seem to tell me that both me and that typical girl is selfish.Probably,yes.

Im a boring nerd and my jokes aint funny.I hate laughing and smiling and I aint depressed just sad often.Im in a way of life where bullying has not started yet.Abusements aint painful and that I must pursue to be stronger.I must push my limits till I cant take it and I will do it.Death will be my..
.

Best friend.

Useless

  Here we go again,my mom nagging at me.
  Why?You ask?Well guess who,my sister.She skipped lessons of her paid tuition giving me types of bullshit excuses such as "I need to pack my bag and water bottle for school" Well guess what bitch,you dont pack it everyday.Guess what,I'll be STRICT to you from now onwards.Idc what happen,I won't be sensitive but if you really throw attitude or piss me off,watch out.I'll be that bitch that you always call,and that one family member who doesn't love you anymore.
Sorry.

Work hard

  Now that I've failed most of my subjects (not most but its better now),I decided for my tired father/mother's sake,I will study really hard!
  Please support me,I will be seldomly posting.blogs lately nowadays btw!Good nights!

Falling in love

  How does it feel to fall in love?Is it painful?...Or does it feel amazing?To me,I felt both.It felt,amazingly painful.

  Let me tell you this story.He,is amazing.But we're not friends.Unfortunately we don't even talk because something kept us apart.He has an english name,or not but,he's really amazing although that should'nt be his name.He is,my oppa.That guy is not Taeyang or GD,or Hyunseung and Luhan.He's from my school and he's so goddamn tall.At our Taekwondo rehearsal,I kept my goddamn eyes on him until he was gone.Every moment and everyday,I could only see him walking away,or fooling around.But I think thats pretty cute.

  My types are cute,caring,stay by your side and stares at you till you notice then becomes shy.Its so goddamn cute like,idk.You might find it disgusting.Anyways,out of topic.This guy had his first love,so I don't really think he's the right guy for me or so.I can be wrong and right even,this is a tradegy after all.I'm only 14 and fighting to live on,bad feelings has been coming to me.And I have Taeyang's thoughts.Taeyang and me,we will only cherish our first love and wait for them to come back.Unfortunately,I don't have mine yet.You know,the thing is.Taeyang is a romantic guy so obviously his first date can be treasureable but me?I'd probably hesitate alot and even holding hands will make mine sweat.I'm an anti-social person and confession takes efforts.
 
  But this guy,ever since I lost sight of him.He became so special.The other guys that I lost sight of,or rejected me,never EVER made me felt this way.
    "This is one ugly moment,when he walk away and I whom is standing there,watch him go"

First post

This will be my very first.and.saddening.post.to me.
You might not even care,but I do.It concerns me alot and I just had to let it out.She changed,that one amazing,pretty,thoughtful,depressed girl changed.Ever since her mom stopped nagging,she became worst.Let's just say,gangster.
She's been insulting me alot,using her debate skills on me and threating me alot more different than any other of my friends out there.If I cut,will I forget this moment?
I know she's been having a good life,and bad life because she's been lonely.But I feel lonelier,even when I have a family.I tried to get along with them,I'm studying at my best.I just wanna...be their best friends but they seem to dislike me.What have I done wrong?If I cut,will this moment be forgotten?
Lastly,I've been having sudden scars and forgetfulness karma everyday.I felt like,someone talked about me or so,but hold on.Stay strong.
Only a little scratch,that won't hurt more.